Living Alone- A week's perspective

I don't know exactly who reads this anymore (since it has been months since my last post), but in case you are not aware, my roommate, Hope, moved out last week. She's starting this new and exciting phase of life (also a little scary) and I opted to stay behind in the house. I've only been alone for about a week, and I know I am barely used to it. In fact, I would venture to guess that I don't even know what exactly I have chosen for myself...not that it's a bad thing. Just that I'm still in the honeymoon/'lack of reality' phase. It still kinda feel like Hope just went out of town for a while. and took all her stuff. and her cat. At the same time, I'm doing things that contradict that line of thought, like painting her room and moving into it. Slowly moving things around to where I think they might work...making it my own. I thought I would be totally done with this by now...like 3 days later. Turns out that when you don't actually move it seems like an even more daunting task. I still have to clean my old room, a project that I meant to start 3 days ago and needs to be done by tomorrow night...I wanted to rearrange the kitchen wares a little bit and see if I found an even more efficient set up but I've barely managed to keep up with the dishes (but I have!). I have managed to watch 2.5 seasons of Gilmore Girls and 2 movies, go out for a bit and fix my internet. To some that might appear as a pathetic week, but to others it would be quite the accomplishment. It would be pathetic if I didn't carry a 45-50 hour work week and still maintain some semblance of a social life :)

Overall it's interesting, shifting things around without regard for the tastes and feelings of another person. I never really thought it would really bother the people I've lived with if I were, say, to move a poster or change the silver ware drawer. I just figured that they liked things a different way and would try to understand their systems and reasoning. Fascinating people study...strange, I know. I just like to figure out what makes people tick...see their perspectives and understand motivations. The thing is, it's been kinda hard moving stuff to where I want it. I've spent a lot of time paying closer attention to the wants of others and my little game of understanding that I look at all the walls and can't figure out where the Pisarro print should go. I still haven't moved anything in 3 of the rooms because I can't make sense of it all yet. The thing I felt I organized most of anything is the stack of dvds that I got from the library...because they will only be here for a week or two. I'm not sure where to put my clothes, as I am attempting for the 32nd time to actually use a dresser and closet like a grown up.

The happier part is that it's making me think of new leaves I can turn over, like the closet thing or what not so healthy groceries am I going to refrain from purchasing. I want to make this a warm, cozy and clean home that people love staying at...like a retreat from all the craziness. I really do love this place...broken air conditioner and all. It's fairly open but still cozy. The colors are great and help me to see how much like my dad I am even though I fought against becoming one of those people that painted their house all sorts of 'crazy' colors. I rebelled in my late teens by telling my dad I wanted to paint my bedroom white. The starkest whitest white I could find. Matte finish and all. Wow, I was a lame kid.

So, to sum it all up, this week has been good. Pretty peaceful and introspective. I need the introspection or I start to behave differently and my thoughts get all screwy. I start to lose my perspective since I enjoy the perspectives of others so often. I know this is more of a question of balance rather than having one over the other. I really do like trying to catch of glimpse of someone else's view on the world. It makes me appreciate some things in a whole new way that I would never have thought of. It helps me see the cause and effect for so many situations and how to avoid pitfalls along the way. When I can connect on an empathetic level with someone I am happier than any when I do anything else...like actual joy. It seems an important part of who I am, and something pretty unique to me. I rarely get the opportunity to connect with another person who does this sort of thing. It's something I think I will always be doing. I just need to keep my own perspective in mind a bit more.

Living alone is do be a little weird for a while, but I think in the end it will be very good for me. I don't know how long I will get to live this way, but I'm going to ride it out :) More perspective another day....

Holly